I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
