First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
