She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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