You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Did I show you my penis last night?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
