you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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