Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
And the cops told us we were all naked.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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