So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
