The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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