Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
