but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
