Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
