tell your sister to shave her snatch
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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