4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
