She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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