I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
she told me i tasted like america
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
