I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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