just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
