so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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