I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Define "chronic" masturbator.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
