Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
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