Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
