OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
