I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
