this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
