you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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