He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
