i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
