nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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