If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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