My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
