My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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