I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
