JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
