I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
