what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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