FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
