You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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