I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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