just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
