You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
