his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
