Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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