You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
