we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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