Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
