Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
