i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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