We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
