yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
me + whiskey = a bad person
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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