dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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