Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
